When a friend goes quiet, stops coming to football, or snaps at everyone for no reason, most of us do one of two things. We give them space and hope it passes, or we try to fix it with advice. Neither works as well as the simplest option: ask, then listen.
Ask directly and kindly. “You have not seemed yourself lately. What is going on?” Then stop talking. Let the silence sit. People often need a moment before they say the real thing, and if you rush in with a solution they will keep it to themselves.
Avoid the lines that shut a conversation down: “Others have it worse”, “Just pray about it”, “Man up”. They may be well meant, but they tell your friend their problem is not welcome. Better: “That sounds heavy”, “I am glad you told me”, “What would help right now?”
Stay practical. Walk with them to school, share a meal, check in again in two days. Support is mostly showing up more than once, not one big talk.
Know your limit. If your friend talks about not wanting to be here, has stopped eating or sleeping, or is using alcohol or drugs to cope, do not carry that alone. Tell a trusted adult or a teacher, or bring them to one of our Safe Talk Spaces. Getting help for someone is not betraying them. It is the best thing a friend can do.
Our counselling and peer groups in Kibera are free and confidential. If you are worried about someone, or about yourself, write to info@kibrayouthnetwork.org or come to a session.
